I Hate Everything About You
by TygerFang
Summary: Songfic. Thoughts Olivia is having about her mother and her childhood.


**TF: Alright, this is my first songfic so I hope you like it. I know I'm posting a lot of dark angsty fics, but that's what me and my muse like. Italics are lyrics and normal font are the story in case you didn't realize. This is about Olivia and her thoughts about her mother, I guess you can fit it in about anywhere in the timeline (after she moved out, when her mom died, just a thought while in SVU ect. ect.)**

**Disclaimer: Law and Order: SVU is mine, but the people in charge of the anti-conspiracy** **league are forcing me to say it's Dick Wolf's. (we all know the truth) The song really isn't mine it belongs to Three Days Grace and it's titled "I Hate Everything About You"**

* * *

_ Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet  
_

I can't sleep, I can't breath, I shouldn't feel like this. I can't… I can't feel like this! You're family, the one who's supposed to tuck me in at night and say I love you… and I'm supposed to love you too.

Now you're gone, you're out of my life. My family, my only family is gone. Come on! I need to be crying, I need to be sad, and we're all screwed up instead. Because even though your dead I don't miss you.  
_  
Every roommate kept awake  
By every sigh and scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still don't miss you yet  
_

Thrashing around in my mind, I want to scream. I want to release, because this is torture. The pain is inside me building until it squeezes the life out of me, but I can't release. I can't get it out, I can't stop being strong. I can't get rid of this pain, and yet I still can't miss you…  
_  
Only when I stop to think about it_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
_

Screw you! Go to hell, why should I care! You hurt me, you cause me pain. IT WASN'T MY FAULT!! Nothing you did was kind, nothing you did was good. All you are is pain, all you are is hate. Why, why, I don't understand. You're a monster, but I still love you.  
_  
Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet  
_

Still can't sleep, can't eat, can't live. I carry everything that's happened, I don't forget. I'm always in the line of fire, and I can't stop. I can't stop these feelings. It's squeezing the life from me, and I can't stop. I still stand, I still live, I still fight, and even with everything that's happening I still don't miss you.  
_  
Only when I stop to think about it_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
_

Stop haunting me! Why do I look back, the rage is inside me. The memories are inside me, and it's directed at you. You caused all of this, you scarred me, you ruined me. I hate you, I hate you, and yet I'm sure of nothing. I feel this loathing, this burning in my chest and my heart breaks. I'm tired, because I hate you… but I love you.  
_  
Only when I stop to think  
About you, I know  
Only when you stop to think  
About me, do you know  
_

I keep thinking, I don't know what else to do. What else to ease these things in my mind. I can't ignore them. I can't stop then. They're eating me up inside, is this what you thought about me?  
_  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
You hate everything about me  
Why do you love me  
_

Never did this conflict ever cease, it started from the moment I was conceived. I know you hate it, I know you hate me. That's why you hurt me, that's why you hurt yourself. I understand all of that, but I just don't understand how you can turn around and say you love me.  
_  
I hate  
You hate  
I hate  
You love me  
_

Hate truly destroys a person. I guess that means I've died inside a long time ago. Will I ever get out of this tangled mess? Love, hate, rape, pain surrounds and it's confusing.  
_  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

I'll never understand, but I'll still fight. I don't know why I live, but I will keep my life. I just hope I can get out of this mess someday.

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**Help! I'm addicted to reviews, give me another hit!**


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